​The defendant’s name was Clarence. Today was day three.  The defense would probably rest today.  Gary heard the buzz first then saw the fly land on the inside of his passenger window.  Must of left some food in here, he thinks, insects an annoying and incessant reminder of things we like to forget about thus inspiring our resentment.  They weren’t much around in winter but then it was cold.  He pulls out his flip-top cell phone it was her idea they tried Sprint first but where she lived they needed Verizon he hadn’t yet got rid of his landline.  He calls the dealership in Belleville and asks for the service department they’re busy so he leaves a message.  The fly is moving again.  He`s able to follow it with his eyes for a moment, but he doesn’t feel like turning his head.  Just don’t think… she said, Live lightly and you’re not as oblivious to your surroundings.  Well that should make me happy the twin tracks to why I exist (the fly lands on his window he puts his thumb on it)—experience and reflection.

Yes she worked there: Julia.  Not when it was St. Mary’s but now that it was Kenneth Hall.  Gary can look through his rearview mirror from the parking lot and see the sign above the ER entrance.  He remembered when she interviewed. They took the Metro while her husband was at his job when she had to do all the pre-employment paperwork and she hid her daughter’s pee in her bra.  She wasn’t at work now, but she’d be working tonight. Smoke breaks with the black nurses outside the door in view of Club Escapades in between traumas.  She’d been caught smoking weed in her Jeep in this same parking lot by the beefy bald security guard she was reading the newspaper and simply denied the smell he was divorced his name was Larry after that he came to the lab to check up on her often he liked how she made her ramen noodles in the coffee pot from the break room.

The service department wasn’t going to call back about his engine light before court began.  He would have to wait until lunch.  The morning would be for the defense to close its arguments.  It was sort of an open and shut dry case.  A crack deal gone wrong.  Clarence shot Roger but Roger lived even with five bullets in his back.  There were witnesses.  There was evidence.  The state had to prove he was guilty.  The defense merely had to shed doubts on this to make you think of his innocence. But Clarence had a public defender, and he wasn’t doing a very good job.  Sure don’t think.  Maybe it isn’t even pride which makes you for when you’re fully in love with yourself you can’t deny you’re happy it’s when you see you may not be as innocent as you think that you begin to resent this sort of self-confidence and then you begin to maybe wonder who’s life is on hold who’s really on trial Clarence is in a prison cell right now I’m out here in this parking lot looking at a yellow engine light will I exist for Clarence sitting in that jury box waiting to judge him or does he exist for me so I have something to do today who lives for who and is this really the measure of our happiness?   Killing flies so that the statues of ourselves stand bare of all our fine speeches?  The public defender, Bob, needed to practice his rhetoric.  No fine talk can really get rid of a smell.