CARTER

Ah hell… what do they say? Don’t hate the player hate the game. But I never understood the rules. I mean if you take into account your best strategy and make the best choice possible and the other players also makes the best choice possible you have stability an equilibrium and it doesn’t matter what you’re trying to win what the game is if it’s about money or a woman or your basic survival you make the best choice possible based on the other person’s decision not changing. But what if it does? We’re not always rational and even when we are that doesn’t mean there’s going to be a rational outcome. Since things change maybe the best choice is not to play the game at all. But then I guess that affects the rest of us now don’t it?

ELECTRA

Sometimes you can love the bad sides of each other. You don’t admit it but it’s what you fall in love with. You don’t want the game to be rational.

CARTER

But does what you know drive you? I used to think so. I used to think if I knew why I did something I would understand why I did it but after a while even if you know why you still can’t say you really understand it. You just know and that makes it comfortable maybe you even joke about it. But what drives you? Is it love? Power? Do I see the world as my father and so I want to gain its approval? Are the fears and inhibitions you taught me the very things I rebel against now? I guess like in any game you seek a reward. But none of it feels so rewarding anymore. Imagining you maybe brought a smile to someone’s face… She divorced me because I wasn’t making any money. And she’s right about the books—nobody asked me. Nobody asked me to write them. So maybe I shouldn’t feel entitled to anything. You write alone. You read alone. And it can be the most unique and spiritual and special bond you have with a person because you share a world together inside a book you enter their mind and they enter yours. But not a word is spoken. And you can be miles apart and years away. And so you never really know. You can imagine and sometimes you get vibes off people especially after writing for so many years and you just know you know that’s how they have to respond and that’s all the reward you’re going to get—and so the pain is real but the love is imaginary…

ELECTRA

You feel love just as much as you do pain.

CARTER

Oh well… when life gets you down turn that smile into a frown.

Advertisements