You remember too much.   You remember too much and you don’t know when to cry mercy—for you or the other guy… It’s not so much dating other boys I know this but because when you repeat yourself you know you are.

There are some shoes which don’t need wax. But this is 1960 and they don’t make shoes like that not like the cars now with their paint sealants which prevent rust. He dabs some more shoe polish dips it in a pool of water he poured in the lid and begins applying circles to his shoe again. He puts two fingers in the rag to do this. His middle finger and his index.


You see if I apply this shine there’s confidence. If you can see yourself in my shoes there’s confidence. And that’s something I learned in my psychology class how there’s an interval of confidence how we gather data and manipulate the statistics to our studies but really it’s been going on since we made fire because it’s about a reputation a reputation we all have to maintain—that’s the cornerstone of civilization—believe me and I will do business with you and if you don’t like my business join that other clique that other gang over there that faction if that’s where you feel you belong and we even do this in our families the father comes home and says by god the world’s gone to hell and he has a wife there to console him and children there to believe him and so it’s an us or them culture ever since our playgrounds our high school cafeterias and so I just have to apply this shine here otherwise I’ll be standing tall before the man but really it makes me wanna laugh it makes me wanna puke how things get done how you judge your world a fine or bad place as in an estimation an estimation of your worth in front of others on how well these shoes are shined… and don’t get me wrong I abide by it. Hell, I’ve been underestimated from day one. If it’s from people you care about it hurts. And as for the rest, it’s an advantage.