and you met his mother once before you died she was a stripper but then as the body fades she got religious and that’s fine for that’s what they say in baptism—the old has passed away and all things have become new—and she probably just had a bad daddy she sure did marry a winner Chad he’s a truck driver Mom went to school with him called him “strangely normal” always kind of wild he went the whiskey cocaine route while she was the mellow driver sticking to the weed he showed me his apparatus once at a Christmas Eve party since he got drug tested so much—a fake penis which dispensed fake urine from a bottle tied to the inside of his leg—said it worked for direct observations if he ever got hit up on the road even had a heating unit to get it to the right temperature—guess you’d call that a baptism by fire… anyway maybe she was messed up seeing her grandfather die at such a young age and maybe like an avoidance reaction we embrace what promises to take away the big fears while we still propose our little tests sort of how like you could get sweaty palms and an elevated heartbeat sometimes when you were put on the spot when guys would bully you because of your height yet in other things bigger risks (like taking your own life) you did not hesitate you were not afraid not even afraid of falling

it’s just roles you see

maybe they too begin by seven we even play games you be mom I’ll be dad I’m a son I’m a daughter then the roles get more complex they vary disguised in the deceit of adolescence and we even resent our roles angry over our helplessness but of course we learn early on to always display an image of success always ready with the comeback even when on the inside we know we need them more than they need us and it’s funny just watch over time all the role reversals I’m good you’re bad now I’m bad you’re good and it all goes back to those first games where the hero needs a villain and really all you gotta do is pray you get a good part after all you don’t want to be cast in a B movie that goes straight to DVD it might ruin your career and they might see you jumping from the Hollywood sign because you’re ordinary and you know it…

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