and do you really want to know?

maybe it’s a suicide’s special language. to know which tools but not know why. because all of us wanted to know and then at some point we didn’t and each time we come to it life begins–the knowledge of our death… but then you can’t really know then can you? you can’t really know the system being a part of the system. to really know one’s own mind you have to be out of it. funny then that the one thing we know for certain–that we all must die–is the one thing we don’t want to know

yes but he did

is there a difference? to fall by accident or to fall by choice. he wanted something. he wanted it to be authentic. some search the past for that. some hope for the future. he wanted it now. he wanted it to be authentic now.

your time is gonna come. when you know who you really are. but save it. save it for your sanctification. and as for glory–do you really want to spoil the fun?

and I can hear him say I can hear Mason say is that it is that your promise because you can polish a turd all you want but it’s still a piece of shit and that’s what our flesh is and if you think you’re gonna beat that into submission good luck that ain’t the hunger that ain’t the desire and when people say Repent what they’re really saying is Believe and that why that’s just a stimulation–of pleasure or of pain–and over time it fades not from wisdom but from sheer exhaustion and by god that’s the saddest thing when you can’t (maybe because you wouldn’t) you just can’t respond anymore not from fear but because there’s nothing there’s just nothing there

No, he didn’t wait. He went looking for his, and when you stare into the abyss it stares back. In fact I think it had nothing to do with it. Not the drugs. Not the law. Not even his mother (and we’ll get to that). I think he wanted to write it. Write his own story. And if you’ve ever done that you know. You know you can never have a happy ending. You can only have a happy death.