and then I say to Mason:

you sonofabitch sometimes I think you put me in bitch mode just so you can complain I’m being a bitch sometimes I think you don’t know what I’m feeling at all and if I write this if I tell you everyone what I’m feeling even if I did this every day moment to moment there would have to be limit I mean wouldn’t there because someday your friends will see it and my friends will see it (because I write this to speak of it) and even if it goes viral on YouTube there has to be a limit for how much? How much can you love? How much can you hate? You chase after a passion and spend the hours to master it and then what? You stay high all the time it sorta takes the treat out of being high… and that’s it you see this is not me this is not me narrating. I’m not there nor am I here. But I am. I do not observe myself. Nor does the environment observe me. It is only when you look that I am there and that is because you looked… I don’t know when I died. Maybe it was when you died. For if the memories die doesn’t a piece of you along with it? And so what makes the world what makes sense to me is counterintuitive. The world says give and one day you will be empty. But I give and I am fuller than before I gave. And since Time does not pass it is only we ourselves that do I see not cause and then effect (even though I swear you make me a bitch sometimes) for they can be happening both at once. The effect can even be before the cause. And I see this when there is no I. The death of the soul is only the death of memories. You showed me that. In what you did before you did that. For I came to you with my world. But you only saw yours…

Advertisements