I don’t know you get away with things long enough you begin to think it’s like you ain’t doin’ nothin’ wrong then when you do get caught I guess it’s like being angry—you’re just plain mad. Maybe because you think it’s already over. Some folks see an ending when others don’t and I guess this is because some things don’t really end—we just act like they have. Sometimes you just say enough is enough I will not hurt anymore and that terrible awful feeling where your heart starts beating fast and your mind takes that paranoid cue where you feel like something’s gone terribly wrong you’ve done something terribly wrong and everyone will know you will be exposed humiliated shamed that there are laws everyone else follow and you’ve violated them in some way done something unpardonable—you say enough This is the end and instead of fear you feel anger… It’s a strange psychological process—when it happens. The end of something. The end of love. The end of the innocence. For really when you say It is finished you’re really saying you’re ready to begin something new. You’re not afraid to begin something new… And I don’t know maybe anger is that final straw that final fig leaf maybe wrath is the emancipation from fear where you say I will not go down without a fight I believe in life after love. And you see the failures the weak ones and how cruelly they are treated. The ones that say it’s not over that cannot see the end. Maybe their minds cannot fathom it they are prisoners to their own fear and you see them every day you see other people ones like Charlie walking all over them. For you are not kind to fear. You can’t respect it. You know such people will do anything submit to any shame and let themselves be taken advantage of simply because they don’t know how to end it. They don’t know how to finally say to themselves that this thing is over. They hope in circumstances. They let other people’s choices and the consequences that follow determine their fate. They do not change. Only their surroundings do. And so maybe that’s it what made Charlie different what allowed him to do things most of us would be afraid to do—he saw the end and instead of being afraid it made him angry. I guess instead of seeing a lot of crosses he just saw a waste of wood…

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