And Kenneth Dean says:

You can know something and still not believe it. Are you humble?
By God yes I’m humble
That’s just with folks. Your peers. Your inferiors. Your superiors. How is it really?

all God’s children’s got wings… speak in code

I’m beginning to lie more, or not really lie, but think about lying
So?
I was thinking maybe honesty is naïve. Makes you like a little kid you know—easy to read
I can count on my fingers the times I’ve lied to my wife
I don’t lie to my wife…
But you still think you need to be forgiven?

mannerisms don’t take to verisimilitude much

This is not what I want
What do you want?

No I don’t believe it. I don’t believe there is truth and then there is truth. I don’t believe in science but it answers. I don’t believe people change and then they change me…

Why are you here?
I was sent here to learn something

Have I? The spirit cries out… and so does the flesh

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In anything there’s truth and then there’s bullshit. In the words of Kerouac you start your life a sweet child believing in everything under his father’s roof, then comes the day when you know you are wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked, and with the visage of a gruesome grieving ghost you go shuddering through nightmare life. Matthew Malachi had liked Kerouac in college. In a search for identity he emulated him. And other writers. Maybe it was a bad choice in the pursuit of happiness.

but those first things have been forgotten

He needed a list. He realized no one really knew what he looked like. In his own reading descriptions were the parts he skipped, but while he sat there under the big screen of Texan Station, Matthew began forming pictures in his mind. Not words. Pictures. Moving pictures. And he needed at least three he supposed–three things to make a list. Three things he could say about them. His children. His father. His ex-wife. And Kenneth Dean…

THE GIRLS

1. No sense in buying them a toy. They never share. One has it and the other screams.
2. She crinkles her nose when she’s thinking. The younger one doesn’t have this. It’s like a muscle only she knows how to exercise.
3. They both have blonde hair that is darkening with age.

THE FATHER

1. He had bushy eyebrows.
2. He cried sometimes singing gospel songs.
3. He bit his tongue when he was concentrating. Like when he was sawing wood.

THE EX

1. She knew how to stand in a confrontation.
2. When she laughs (which is often) she raises her chin.
3. Her brown eyes glow in the sunlight.

KENNETH DEAN

1. His hair was short now, but when it was long he looked like Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.
2. He never made a girl wait.
3. He could talk, but he couldn’t write.

As for Matthew Malachi? Well, his bucket list was short. He knew what he wanted. He just didn’t know how to get it…

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