…and a wager was made. Guess I just gotta keep my end of the bargain. Back in the Renaissance there was thinker said you’d be a fool not to bet on God and eternal life. Even in a heads or tails fashion all you got to lose is something finite if God ain’t right. But you have everything to gain or lose if you’re wrong and this life ain’t all there is. In my thinking I suppose there’s a difference between Christianity and the religious what we’d call religious folks. To me it comes down to the aspects of love the nature of evil. Never yet has a man done anything solely for others and entirely without reference to a personal motive. If you think you love a woman for the mere love of her you’re way wrong. A man loves neither his father nor his mother nor his wife nor his child but he does love the feelings which they inspire. And like it or not to be the one loving the object of your affection must be selfish to accept this self-sacrifice this living for others so that the men of love and self-sacrifice have an interest in the survival of the unloving the selfish meaning that the highest morality must have the existence of immorality to maintain itself. In essence God to be God if God is Love must destroy Himself. He must have the immoral exist to be moral. And that’s where the Devil comes in–you can’t have God without the Devil… In my time in my children old hands on a guitar I guess I’ve had plenty of time to ponder it–the nature of Evil. Some evil is just stupidity. Some people just don’t know better and they do stupid things horrible things. And then you got that nature versus nurture idea. Don’t give a kid enough love a loving environment they turn out bad the vicious cycle of generations your niggers your white trash. And then I ‘spose you have your monsters folks just born that way born not normal. Thing is to them they’re normal. To a man born without conscience a soul-stricken man seems ridiculous. To a criminal honesty is foolish. A monster is only a variation and to a monster the norm is monstrous. All you got to do is read the papers. See pictures of them and sometimes you just know. You see the evil on them. It’s the ones that look innocent as an angel you got to watch out for–they’re the most dangerous kind. I know what I am without love… Yes’m it took me a long time to find out my mistakes. It is dark now and I can hear wood and silence I know them not living sounds as though the dark were resolving out of His integrity into an unrelated scattering of components an illusion of a coordinated whole detached and secret and familiar an is different from my is a different smell and sound and I know what I hold knowing I gotta keep my end of the bargain. And I am not afraid…

–David Threnody, on sex and death–from his journals 1981 to 1988

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