But that isn’t what we really want. What we really want to talk about and not yet the birth of Dulcinea’s child in 1975 and some the healing which began to take place then is what happened around 1964 perhaps just after (or about a year after) Benjy paid a visit to Marie Toussaint. For it’s an interesting time in Bethany’s life. And David’s too. Reading through her journal this pinpoints when she herself saw the old voodoo woman. Maybe for the last time. And this visit perhaps explains what bothered Benjy what bothered his father because it was soon after that they both took up with Maddie and became guests in her bed in that room above Sunset Inn Again in Hemphill. It’s also the same year they began building on the dam. On the Sabine–the Toledo Bend Dam, spillway, and power plant, even though it took the better part of two years before the earthen embankment and impoundment of water began, when Solomon was just an infant just born…

…and it never lasts–the temptation. Sometimes you just got to wait on it. You got to give it time and if you can do that it just goes away… Like something lost. Sometimes that’s got to happen. You got to lose something for a time to really cherish it once you get it back… David was a lot like what my grandma Bridgette used to say about her old man–Papa Frenchie. She used to say he was always a horny old devil and maybe it was passed on to Benjy too which is why I saw in that old woman’s blind eyes the story of why he came to her. It wasn’t hard to figure out. I’m sure the boy’s hormones were ragin’. I figured it was a girl. Makes all the reasons why we love ourselves and God and Man those lofty thoughts to what’s lost and found again and our answer, “Here I am…” seem simple enough where you don’t need no science or philosophy or religion too to answer them. It’s like earth and water. Women are cycles. A ribbed ebb and flow. While men are as steady as dirt. And it don’t take long to know what they’re thinkin’ with. Maybe that’s what he (Benjy) was already fightin’ when he come out. And he wasn’t fighting this knowledge. That’s not why he held on to the cord round his brother’s neck. Maybe it’s that eternal nothingness the not-love of existence he was holdin’ onto the ‘I don’t love myself’ that is sleep and dreams from which we don’t want to awake–maybe he missed an old friend who sticks closer than a brother… No, I had to say more than once, “Get thee behind me, Satan!” to David getting fresh kissin’ and rubbin’ his hardon against me and I’m sure his boy my son had the same problem with the first girl he felt that way about. And I’ll be damned if he didn’t use his father’s guitar as an excuse. You see he wasn’t just tryin’ to impress her with his playin’. He really was tryin’ to hide something. Maybe he thought she wouldn’t see if he had a guitar on his lap. She wouldn’t see his response to her. His erection…

Advertisements