“It was just for a while, Sean,” Maddie says.
“It wasn’t love?” Sean asks.
“I love who I love when I want to love them,” Maddie says.
“But a nigger? And his son?” Sean asks.
“I couldn’t love you the way I should,” Maddie says.

“and what did you do?”

“well what could I do? It was between her and him. And me and her and me and Bethany and her and Benjy that’s something different there’d be a different dialogue you know different words statements questions and answers as two souls face each other and stand before God and you think this is about woman and man and it is but it isn’t it’s more than that because there’s man and man too woman and woman father and son mother and child and that’s dynamic that’s a miracle when you feel the need to create like what he had created confronting us Maddie and I in that room which he owned and he was partly responsible for the death of my son what happened yesterday because that day before I was in Sunset I was in Louisiana just like I got the call the day Benjy was born when I sold my copyright in New Orleans and I crossed that Sabine in the middle of the night over that same bridge crossed by Bethany’s first lover the bridge her grandmother crossed when they carried Pete Southhouse’s body from New Orleans because you already know about that the listeners of KDHX have already heard the story of how I got with Bethany how her first husband died and it was the same bridge I crossed that my son crossed to his death the day before after he (this man with a shotgun) busted down the door shattering a guitar to pieces to stop whatever Benjy was planning to do with Maddie after the train had already passed already crossed that same river and Aaron dead and a tree on fire my daughter with child with her cousin’s seed in her belly the dynamic there man the miracle how rape and incest and murder adultery—sin—sin came through that door again and all of it love too terrible things done for love what happens when those words come out, ‘I love…’ and the immutability of God’s justice a poem of how beautiful it all is even what God isn’t but what it is made because of what He is and that’s not why you’re really asking why we entertain ourselves with stupidity why we must all put ourselves in uncomfortable places the peace to not resist but to process it as such and why we all know these scenes these words of love so cruel and so bright which only cause us pain because what you really want to know is if there was another dirty deed what happened what did I do when I was nineteen at that crossroads and what did I do thirty years later when I went back there you’re waiting for the trick and I’m damn near seventy years old now well into the back nine of my life and I can tell you nothing happened that wasn’t the miracle that was just what it’s easy to blame it all on when you go over it in your mind when you remember when you said those words, ‘I love…’”

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