…and you didn’t hear.  We were worried.  Worried after William.  You couldn’t hear.  At least not all of it.  Those which spoke in a low voice or talked fast and any kind of accent.  The teacher noticed it with the other children.  When the other children spoke to you…  Your father was 37 when I had you the last the last after seven children.  And I don’t know what your father would say now on a birthday coming up that he will not see because you see it’s time that changes things and that body now I see in memory the last memory him in a casket time does things to that as well but it ain’t silent it can’t be for you must have already been learning it—the language—you were born crying it when the first words were spoken.  The first words you would hear.  And you don’t remember—how can you?  Because that would take words the phonetic sounds.  And I think that’s what your father would say what even your brother says in his death.   You were born without a language.  And look how strong.  How strong you’ve become!  What is all of it even all of it now that you’re divorced and for a time a woman hated you what ends every sentence in itself another the beginning…  Yes, David said.  And what in all of it am I to be?  … What?  What are you but you what you don’t want her to be?  You didn’t hear.  You can’t hear you can’t remember the first words I said to you the words you would learn to say back as your father named
you.  The hand on your life…  And so we prayed.  You saw doctors this after after you choked in church at the age of three when you almost died on a communion wafer you wanted without the grape wine the blood of the earth and even if I was a bit superstitious I’d say and I think even your father would say we wondered if that’s what was wrong with your ears and you had so many of them so many ear infections when you were a child…  of course you don’t remember just like you don’t remember when you said your first word in this the English language and not some other the pantomime of tongues and how William taught you to count and as you began to read as you began to take in the sounds somehow you made music even before you made words. So I suppose it’s my fault the fear inherent fear which comes from what you don’t understand what you can’t hear or you hear it but it doesn’t translate to anything happening other than now you’re behind the time and really it was a
nameless fear because the fact is you could hear just fine.  My fear what you came to accept in making children with a woman—some people don’t want to be heard.  They would rather what they say be not understood.  For the fear this causes…  So if I was your father what he would have to say about Bethany and your children is just listen even when it doesn’t make sense.  It’s just like what you heard when you were born.  And only God knows
if you’ll make sense of it later…

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