Yes Gabrielle grandma Gabby said.  But the story is in the father—David.  To understand the son you must know the father.  You must know of revenge.  You see David had a dream and I guess his son was how it was answered.  Because have you ever looked at people?  I mean really looked at them?  Like how you look at me now—your grandma—hearing how my voice sounds and maybe even hearing what it doesn’t say and what you see of me just an old woman living in a trailer park sitting her across from you in house gown and slippers you see maybe what I look like in private what I do in the dark with no one watching no God even watching because you see that’s how the seed gets planted.  The seed of revenge.  And you say as God says in the silent dark recesses of your heart Vengeance is mine.

Don’t be gullible.  Don’t be naïve boy.  For then your questions are just rhetoric answered for yourself and by yourself only.  For what do sinners really look like?  You pass them in the streets.  You passed them by on your way here to hear this story I imagine.  You got to see beyond the surfaces of people’s eyes boy.  For there’s public appearance and then there’s how people look when they think nobody’s watching.  Benjy now—he was nice on the eyes.  Just as Dulcinea was.  When you looked on them you felt you could trust them.  And that’s the sign to all naysayers of idiocy.  Don’t be fooled by appearances because I’ll tell ya that boy was born with a hole in him some sort of hunger thirst that no matter what he did or didn’t do left him empty with that hole still inside him.  And he wanted revenge—revenge for being born…  And I don’t think that hole came from him started with him but there immutable from the life force of his father David.  Because you see David wanted something and I don’t think he ever got it not even after and he died the year you were born some fifteen years ago some twelve years before this our new millennium and it now even three years past—he didn’t even get it in his death—that recognition and not the recognition of his guitar playing for that goes without saying because his voice his songs will always be with us.  No he never got called a professional and that was his dream.  Not the money nor the fame—the praise of man.  But to be deemed a professional—a master of his art—for to be that to become that you soften it you sugarcoat it your talent.  See?  He wanted it exposed full force like some adagio meta-minutiae where every thread to his chord-making every treble and pitch to his voice was examined and appreciated.  But you see that’s not being a professional because a pro knows all this knows their craft well but this is downplayed for the narrative the story for even if it be a hymn to heaven the instruments the voices are but the tools to a much greater story and this is what David forgot what a pro never forgets because the whole point is to entertain entertain us with the thought of it for what would be heaven if there wasn’t a hell?

You see?  Do you see now beyond the appearances of the senses?  Beyond even the conceptions of good and evil?  For Benjy was not bad nor good not beautiful nor ugly not to be trusted nor distrusted—he was just a tool.  He was like the hand of God forgetting it be but a hand that says to itself says those words Vengeance is mine unaware the words were planted the seeds were planted long before he was born and would not be taken as his own words even so shortly after his death let alone with eons of time years that go by just like it’s been nearly forty years since Aaron raped Dulcinea and Benjy shot him.  Do you see now?  Revenge ain’t some cold dish boy because what’s beyond the appearance of the strangers you meet and your wonderings of what they really do in private you find the best of it the best of revenge is making your life something someone everyone else wants.  That’s a professional the sign of a pro—making your life what everyone else wants—not inspiring pity but envy.  And that’s what David wanted what Benjy wanted—David wanted something he would never get in his life and Benjy wanted his father’s life because David loved it more than his mother.  And that’s it.  That’s the story beyond the story that a professional keeps hidden by entertaining us.  That’s why David and Bethany divorced and why as a boy Benjy didn’t want us girls in that tree house.  Why he teased Aaron to kiss Dulcinea as that first temptation that led to what happened eleven years later all this what I’m telling you happening some thirty-seven years back.  And maybe that’s also why he burned it.  Benjy burned that tree house down Aaron’s body hanging from it and he burned his father’s journal of that period in between.  Maybe because that’s all he could get his hands on.  And the woman—the white woman—well, perhaps being David’s mistress wasn’t such an easy task an easy role to play.  And all Benjy did all he tried to do was be as his father and in doing that have the same mistress—don’t you see?  And art is a cruel and intolerable mistress…

Advertisements