Hope is what you have when you don’t have what you want.  David wanted Bethany.  And it was driving him crazy.  It’s usually idle time.  When you’re busy you don’t have much time to hope for things.  Other than maybe some time off to hope for something that doesn’t keep you so busy.  We spend most of our life this way.  Hoping.  Never quite satisfied with what we got.  What keeps you going today what you hope for tomorrow.  If it wasn’t for our routines we’d probably all go mad.  Going over memories from the past.  Wondering what we did wrong as to why things didn’t quite turn out the way we assumed they would.  And doors close.  Like David’s door every time Bethany left.  Leaving David wondering why he needed her.  How he couldn’t help himself from wanting her.  Because you can’t help yourself from what you hope for.  That seed is planted somehow—call it a simple twist of fate—and then we are merely mechanisms, playing out our fortune cookies, those messages, those signs we see in our life, guiding us to where we think we want to go.  You don’t really know what you want.  Your life just kind of teases you with this.  In the cards you’re handed.  And that’s what you go on—impulses, instincts—a gut feeling.  Calling it following your heart.

Sometimes what you hope for is feeling you have nothing to lose.  The better safe than sorry idea we use to protect ourselves from being hurt.  A sort of hedge we put around ourselves that allows us to risk it only when we think we need to if we are in any way going to get what we want.  David wanted Bethany.  After seeing her bathing in that pool of light.  Answering with her eyes.  In that strong connection she bridged to his past when she saw his lost look in speaking to that old woman with a cane, and how she helped him regain his footing.  How she brought him back from a world where Rosie Soledad lay heavy on his heart, and gave him hope that he could make that world better somehow.  Almost like he could go back to what was then with what he knew now and fix it—fix it somehow where that heart wound would heal.  That he was a better man now, and she gave him hope that he wouldn’t make the same mistakes.  Those mistakes of a lost soul…  You have hope in what gives you hope, and David found that in Bethany.  The only problem was she was married.  Maybe at first he thought he had nothing to lose letting her into his world, but after he let her in he did.  She became more than just a guest paying him visits on the West Bank.  Having tasted this he wanted more, and maybe that’s the problem with having nothing to lose—this freedom doesn’t stay free, not if you want to play it safe, stay playing it safe.  Because there’s a cost for everything you gain, and even when you’re betting on you have nothing to lose, you’re still making a bet—a bet you can lose.

And what about Bethany?  She had more to lose than David.  Yet she still came to his door.  It’s hard to decipher the heart of a woman, but maybe it’s safe to say Bethany had a good heart.  She wasn’t happy in that house in the 9th Ward.  She wasn’t happy being Pete Southhouse’s wife.  She didn’t want to be the woman she was with him.  And women go looking for what they’re missing.  What they miss, and why, perhaps a mystery.  It has to be intuited.  Maybe she needed help.  Maybe she wanted to help somebody.  And these two reasons are what brought David Threnody into her life.  Her own hopes and dreams.  Her songs for today in what she wanted for tomorrow.  That banished hope when she saw Denny driving away not entirely abandoned.  And when she saw David play, when she heard his first recordings, heard his voice, it took her back to her first love.  And first loves are the reasons for all hopes.  You can’t get to that, and no one can take it away from you.

But it’s true—hope can be destroyed.  You wouldn’t think that fulfilling your own hope means destroying another’s.  Yet what David hoped for, what Bethany wanted, meant somebody had to lose.  This where hope can get tricky, possibly evil.  When there’s a will there’s a way, but to go that way is not without its sacrifices.  Not only maybe the hopes of some other, but in what you have to do, what you have to become, in order to get what you think you want.  David became a murderer, and Bethany was his accomplice.  It wasn’t premeditated.  It wasn’t thought out, or planned, but it was there submerged in their subconscious drives.  Their need to be in each other’s arms.  And Popovitch was like the fortune cookie.  His left note to David what got him thinking.  Hesitant of a possibility.  The temptation of one sin leading to a deeper sin.  And somehow Johnny Tribout got roped into it.  The missing piece in a puzzle from the past.  One man’s heartache from the past the satisfaction of a future desire for another.  But how could he know that?  He was just trying to be a friend…

 

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