The blackjack table again.  Maybe the stage Johnny was standing on off to the right.  The cocktail waitresses passing through the tables.  Maybe one asks David if he wants a drink.  Free when you’re playing.  And maybe she looks like Rosie.  In the eyes you only see in the morning.  And she moves on to the next table.  A familiar looking bunch.  Musicians.  And maybe they’re all twenty-seven.  Each wearing what they died in…  Then smoke.  Like there’s a fire in the casino.  A rising sun.  Red.  In morning fog.  You’re not in the casino at all.  Just the smoke still there.  That same morning mist.  And you’re following someone.  A woman in a white dress.  But when the rising sun shines through the mist sometimes it looks red.  A naked back.  She is Nina.  She is Rosie.  And then you know you are in a cemetery.  She is walking between the rows.  You read the dates.  The names.  Etched in different tombstones.  You get closer to her each time you see one.  And then when you look at her as you follow she gets farther away.  That speed skipped.  And you can’t judge the distance.


(like she’s just talking over her shoulder)

It is fear.  That is what you feel.  In your dry lips.  A racing heart.  Sweaty palms.  That is fear.  The only time you lose it when you truly see someone else.  And you let go…  It isn’t chaos—you know.  It really isn’t a test.  Look how easy it is to defuse situations!  And it only goes deeper.  Deeper to no depth.  The surface your search…  Wake up!  You are not being judged!  The implications merely the nudges to roll over because you snore.  We are surrounded by judgments that don’t really mean anything.  Do you see that now?  Here—with me?  So quick… and how so easily it fades… And nothing to mourn.  A secret if there ever was one…  And you know what you have to do—don’t you?  When it happens.  When you go back to origins of nakedness—thrown out into the world after sweet, lovely insights…  You just have to tell me.  Not in words.  Not in how they come to you.  But in your eyes.  Learn to tell me in your eyes.  Do it here, now—with me.  For here is where forever is measured…